'Adolescence' Reflections

I can't remember the last time a TV show created this much of a ripple in social commentary as "Adolescence" has. Firstly, it is remarkable to see the whole world come together for a shared conversation and to see the ripples permeate so many schools, workplaces, and households, those with children and those without.

As a clinical psychologist working with families, I have witnessed the delicate dance of adolescence—an intricate phase filled with growth and challenges. With Netflix's TV show "Adolescence," a global conversation has emerged, shining a light on just how difficult it is to navigate this period for both teenagers, their parents and schools. This important dialogue echoes theories of development while urging us to prioritize connection. Learning and growing as a human is all about relationship building and self-understanding and there is no murkier time than adolescence. Understanding why it is such a delicate time and the developmental milestones that are in question can help us all lean in more to support.

The teenage period has and will always be the most awkward time of a persons' life. I feel privileged to be able to tell teens, "I promise it gets better" because it does. The more autonomy and confidence you have in your life, the more you can advocate for yourself. But it is hard and almost impossible to do that as a teen. Teenagers are at the most uncomfortable stage of development as the body and brain experiences the largest hormonal shift (other than pregnancy) of a lifetime, while being surrounded by a cohort of others feeling just as uncomfortable as them. Add in the increasing pressures of modern life and device technology, it's a perfect storm of disaster unless properly cared for.

Looking at Stages

Erik Erikson's stages of psychosocial development highlight adolescence as a period of identity versus role confusion. Teenagers are supposed to be figuring out who they are, trying on different identities and getting it wrong. This is much harder to do in our social media era where everything is documented, and so the stakes can feel higher to 'get it wrong,' and this increases feelings of shame. But this is a critical time where teenagers send their sense of self out into the world, out of the home, to carve out their sense of self. The journey for independence can often manifest as distancing from parents, leading many to feel a growing chasm in the parent-child relationship. However, it is vital for parents to remain engaged during this transitional phase, resisting the urge to withdraw or become frustrated.

The Risk Factors

In his book, "The Anxious Generation," author Jonathan Haidt articulates the depth to which anxiety has become the issue among today’s youth. Young people face a unique blend of pressures from modern-day life—including academic expectations, social media influences, and the weight of global issues—that can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy and fear. There is just so much information to process, there are so many relationships to manage, so many comparison points, so many avenues to feel less than. Parents, too, are navigating these challenges, often feeling helpless as they watch their children struggle. The dopamine addiction (read "Dopamine Nation," Anne Lembeck if you haven't already) starts younger and younger.

Gabor Maté's insightful work, "Hold On to Your Kids," reminds us that the key to navigating adolescence lies in maintaining close relationships. He emphasizes that children thrive when they feel secure in their connection to their parents. This connection is a protective factor against the many stressors they face. It acts as an anchor, grounding them amidst the storm of adolescence. What home can do that the peer group will never do, celebrate differences. Teen peer groups thrive on conformity. It is extremely important that home is always felt like the safest place and that their parents are that emergency call.

The greatest challenge lies in not losing that connection as the relationship becomes strained. As our teens are figuring out who they are independent from their family, they still need our support and understanding. Instead of viewing their withdrawal as rejection, their new interests as short-lived and silly, we must find ways to meet them where they are at—it is a natural part of their development. The goal is to be present without judgment, creating a safe space for open dialogue. This can include initiating conversations about their interests, encouraging self-expression, and showing empathy for their struggles—they still need parental guidance and support, but they will only take it when they feel you are on their team.

To parents navigating this tumultuous journey, I encourage you not to give up. You make all the difference. Engage in their world, show interest in their experiences, and reassure them that you're there to listen—no matter how distant they may seem and that you love all their quirks and differences. This connection can be a guiding light as they navigate the complexities of adolescence.

Together, as we engage in this global conversation, let us remember the power of connection in fostering resilience and growth during this critical stage of development. Embrace the challenge, and remain committed to being there for your children. Through understanding and love, we can help them forge their identities while ensuring they feel secure and supported.

Connection is key.